Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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