I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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