why didn't you poke me back
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
