dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
