everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
