wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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