No stitches, just platelets and will power
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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