and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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