Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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