This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
