remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
