Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
