I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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