Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
