textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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