Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
