guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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