Can Purell be used as lube?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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