drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
