Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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