Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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