every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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