woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
