I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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