This girl is more easily done than said...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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