I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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