I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
