I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
