Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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