does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
