He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
