He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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