the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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