I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Farmville is her only friend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
