So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
