You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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