I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
