WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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