not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
