Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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