This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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