I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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