At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
