You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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