The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
