just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
