I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
