I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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