Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
