You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
