So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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