The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
