All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
