I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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