About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
