every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
