I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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